Without You
by CayStar
Summary: **Paws and Art 2nd place winner** Jake fell at the hands of Victoria, and Bella once again lost the love of her life. Now she must learn to survive- without him. Companion piece to "Hey Girl."


**_This was my entry for the Paws and Art contest, pic of banner at pawsandart dot blogspot dot com. I used banner number 38 by goldengirl2707- Link is on my profile. AND I got 2nd place! In a wolf contest where I killed Jacob! :) _**

**_This is a short pre-quel to my Bella/Peter story "Hey Girl," but it can be read alone if you're not following that one. This is a look at her life with Jake and what exactly sent her on the run, as well as what her life looked like on the road. _**

**_If you're wanting a feel-good Jake 'n Bells story, this is NOT it. Just warning you._**

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**_Summary: _**Jake fell at the hands of Victoria, and Bella once again lost the love of her life. Now she must learn to survive- without him.

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**Without You**

_"I love you, Bells. I always have, always will."_

_"Oh, Jake. What can I- I'm so sorry! Please don't leave me."_

_"Shh, it's ok. I don't regret a thing. Now go. Run and don't look back. I'll always be with you."_

_~o~o~o~_

I jerked from the dream with tears still wet on my face, shivering under the thin blankets that would never be warm enough. No matter how long it had been since I lost him, I still couldn't get used to his absence. I felt phantom pains, like a missing limb. I missed my sun.

The pounding on the door had me scrambling for my bags; I knew they would finally kick me out today. I hadn't paid in over a week, and it was time for me to move on to the next town.

I slipped past the manager and made it to my car- _his _car- without further incident. I'd taken Jake's Rabbit, loaded down with every piece of his clothing I could carry, as a feeble attempt to mask my scent. I had finally cried myself to sleep last night when I realized my favorite shirt no longer smelled like him.

Heading south, I barely noticed when I crossed the border between Idaho and Utah, but I wondered what it would mean for my work choices. I doubted it would be easy to find another strip club in this conservative state, but it actually didn't take me long to spot the large neon sign proclaiming _GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS_ just off the highway.

I knew Jake wouldn't like me dancing, but I had quickly learned there were few choices for a high school dropout with no work history and a fake ID. So I'd spent the last of my savings somewhere in Oregon at the direction of the sweetest girl I'd ever met.

Jasmine took me under her wing, taught me to dance (she refused to call it stripping), and helped me shop for my new look and a new identity. Bella Swan disappeared and Izzy Black was born.

I parked at a gas station nearby, and went inside to change and work on my makeup. I wondered if Alice could see me now, with my smoky eye shadow and tight strapless bustier. Not that I cared what the Cullens thought. They cost me Jacob; they were dead to me.

As I looked at the stranger in the mirror, I glanced down at my wrist and pulled my courage from his name on my skin. The black ink matched my black nails. My heart was Black as well.

The seedy club owner gave me one look and sent me to the dressing room, assigning me pole number 3. It wasn't the dirtiest place I'd worked, but it certainly wasn't a high class establishment. I didn't care as long as they paid me and didn't ask too many questions.

Each night I danced, and each day I slept. Most days were good, because Jacob always came to me in my dreams. My favorite memory was the first time we made love.

_~o~o~o~_

_We'd spent the day at First Beach, swimming and laughing with the pack. Well, everyone except Leah, who never failed to glare at me when she saw me with Jacob. She thought our relationship was a mistake, because she knew he would imprint some day and leave me behind. Most days I wish that was true; I was sure I could live with the pain of his rejection much easier than the pain of his death._

_Jacob carried me back to his house, using any excuse to hold me, not that I was complaining. I lived for Jake's warmth; he reminded me that I was alive, and safe, and loved. _

_As he opened the door, he looked down at me and we had one of our silent conversations. I could feel his desire and I knew this was it. This was the night we would go all the way._

_He didn't say a word as he carried me to the bathroom, and I looked at him in question when I saw our destination. "Thought we might need to get the sand off first. Wanna shower with me?" _

_I couldn't hold back a laugh at his devilish smirk. He looked a bit like Paul, and I had a feeling he would be acting like Paul tonight as well. At least he had the pack mind to draw from, since he was just as inexperienced as I was. _

_I watched in anticipation as he slipped his shorts off and tossed them into the hamper. I was a bit more self-conscious as his eyes roamed my body with each piece of clothing I removed. He led me into the shower after the water heated up, and pulled me into his comforting arms. _

_"You're so beautiful, honey," he breathed against my neck, causing a rush of arousal that I knew he could smell. I groaned when his finger slipped down to tease my folds, and he growled as he pulled me even closer. _

_Our movements turned frantic as we dove for the soap to wash each other and get out of the shower as fast as we could. Our skin was still damp as we ran to his bedroom, and I let out a breathless laugh as his hard body slid against my softer one. _

_My laughter disappeared when I felt his rigid cock pressed against my center. He raised up enough to meet my eyes, looking so much older than his mere sixteen years. Pressing an achingly gentle kiss against my lips, he whispered, "Are you sure?"_

_Instead of answering, I reached down and lined him up, moving my hips enough that the tip of his erection slid into my body. He began to tremble as he wrapped his arms around me, and my world fell into alignment as he carefully worked his way home. While he paused for me to adjust, we both whispered at the same time, "I love you."_

___~o~o~o~_

My tears when I woke were a conflicting mixture of joy and pain. Jacob deserved so much more than what he got. He was so full of life, and love, and I just brought death and destruction wherever I went.

Our nights of passion grew more desperate each time Victoria was spotted near the rez. Jake would get clingy and protective, but I just clung right back. The only thing we did right was make the most of every single minute together. Whether we were fixing a meal or making love, we were completely connected with one another as we constantly touched or kissed. After I lost him, I wasn't sure I would be able to live without feeling his lips against mine, or his arms wrapped tight around me. Jake gave the best hugs.

After a rough night of dancing where my head was completely not in the game, I broke down and carried home a bottle of tequila. I didn't have to work the next night, and I just needed time to forget. Of course, my subconscious had a very different idea.

_~o~o~o~_

_Sam called me at work, sounding absolutely frantic. He told me I had to come home right away, but he wouldn't tell me what the emergency was. I spent the short drive from Forks Outfitters in a haze of worry, wondering if Charlie had a heart attack, or if the Cullens had suddenly shown up. Nothing could have prepared me for what I would find._

_From the driveway it was hard to tell there was anything wrong. It wasn't until I climbed the porch that I noticed the heavy spray of red across the inside of the front window. Suddenly I had absolutely no desire to go inside that house._

_The front door opened enough for Sam to stick his head out, and the look of devastation on his face made me sway on my feet. I couldn't even begin to process the ramifications of Sam being the one to call me, and Sam greeting me at the door. Where was my Jake?_

_"Bella, I need to prepare you, this is bad," his deep voice rumbled. Sam's voice was usually a comfort to me; it had been ever since he found me in the woods. Today his voice filled me with nothing but dread._

_"Where's Jake?" I was afraid to ask, but I desperately needed to know. I couldn't imagine what would be keeping him from me when something had obviously happened to Charlie._

_Sam still didn't let me in the door, but he reached out one hand to squeeze mine. "It was Victoria. She- Charlie was- oh, hell. Bella, Jake was patrolling nearby and he heard Charlie scream. He didn't wait for us to come back him up, he just charged in to save your dad. Bella, he was human."_

_Victoria- Charlie- vampire- wolf- Jake- my Jake- human Jake- Jake, Jake, Jake..._

_I didn't realize I had spoken aloud, but Sam cringed and pressed a finger to my lips. "Yes, Bella, it's Jake. He's been hurt, and he's not healing. But he really needs you right now."_

_My breath left me in a rush at his words, and I pushed in vain against the solid wolf blocking my front door. He searched my eyes for a minute, but a low moan of pain had him moving to let me pass. "He's in the kitchen," Sam murmured, keeping his body between mine and the living room. I guess that answered the question of where my father was._

_I was focusing on not losing consciousness as I stepped carefully around the lines and puddles of blood, and I had to avoid thinking about what else was littering my normally spotless kitchen floor. Jake saw me before I saw him and he breathed my name like a prayer, "Bells."_

_The sight of him broken stunned me, but I found myself kneeling beside his head the next instance. "Oh, Jake."_

_"The lower half of his body was crushed," Sam explained quietly while I stared into Jacob's pain-filled eyes. "But there's more, Bella. She got her teeth in him; he's been bitten."_

_My eyes filled with tears when Sam held Jacob's arm up, and I saw the angry, swollen bite that was a macabre version of the scar on my own wrist. His skin was streaked red and the edges of the bite were eaten away as though acid had been poured on it. _

_I knew what the bite meant; venom was poison for the wolves, as we had tragically learned when Collin was bitten by a newborn vamp last month. We had tried everything, from sucking out the venom, to cutting it out, but he was still dead within hours._

_I buried my face in his neck, taking deep breaths of his comforting scent. His voice was ragged as he gasped out the words, __"I love you, Bells. I always have, always will."_

_I was sobbing now, and I barely registered the feel of Sam's hand on my back. I didn't want to think of anyone else; I just needed my Jake to be whole again. "Oh, Jake. What can I- I'm so sorry! Please don't leave me."_

_Sam patted my shoulder and I finally sat up, but refused to take my eyes off of Jacob's pale, sweaty face. "Bella, we need to get you out of here. We can't protect you in Forks. Paul and Embry are chasing her, but she was slipping further away the last time I phased in to check. We need you in La Push to keep you safe."_

_I knew as soon as he said the words what I had to do. Maybe he didn't mean to put it that way, but he pretty much said that the vampire bitch would follow me wherever I went. I'd already caused so much damage here, and without Jacob and my dad, I had nothing to keep me here._

_"I'm not going, Sam. You don't need to keep me safe anymore."_

_Sam started arguing but Jacob gave me a smile and a soft nod. He always knew what I was thinking, and it seemed like this time he agreed with me. As soon as he was gone, I would be too._

_"Go now, Bells," his weak voice interrupted whatever protest Sam was putting up, and suddenly it was me who was protesting. I didn't want to waste a single second of his life, a single beat of his loving heart, a single sweet breath across his soft lips. _

_Leaning forward, I tasted those lips for the very last time. I closed my eyes and focused on his taste, his scent, his quickly-fading heat as his tongue moved languidly against mine. Pulling away, I let my tears fall on his face as I apologized, "I'm so sorry, Jake. I'm sorry you were hurt because of me. I'm sorry we won't get the future we planned together. I love you so much, baby."_

_"Shh, it's ok. I don't regret a thing." His eyes hardened and he jerked his chin toward the door. I had to be strong, I couldn't let him see me collapse as his words washed over me with the timbre of an alpha order, "Now go. Run and don't look back. I'll always be with you."_

___~o~o~o~_

As I woke once again in a cold sweat, with tears pouring down, I listened to my Jake, my love. I ran.


End file.
